Ah, horror movies. The genre where common sense takes a backseat, logic is on permanent vacation, and audiences everywhere collectively scream at the screen: “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!”
From running upstairs to hiding in closets, horror characters seem to have a knack for making the worst possible choices.
Let’s dive into some of the most baffling decisions these characters make and try to make sense of the senseless!
1. Running Upstairs Instead of Outside
The classic move. There’s a homicidal maniac chasing you, and your brilliant plan is to head to the second floor—you know, where all the exits are… non-existent.
What’s the strategy here? Climb out the window and hope gravity will be your savior? Or maybe you’ll just barricade the door with a laundry hamper and pray the killer respects your personal space.
Pro tip: When in doubt, head for the front door. Always.
2. Splitting Up
“Let’s cover more ground,” they say. “It’ll be faster,” they claim.
Newsflash: it’ll also be a lot faster for the killer to pick you off one by one. Safety in numbers is a thing, people!
But no, horror movie logic dictates that the best course of action is to divide and conquer… or, more accurately, divide and get conquered.
3. Investigating Noises
What’s that sound coming from the creepy basement? Definitely not something life-threatening, right? Time to grab a flickering flashlight and head down there alone.
Because nothing says “self-preservation” like willingly walking into a dark, confined space where monsters, killers, and bad Wi-Fi connections live. Spoiler alert: It’s never “just the wind.”
4. Ignoring Obvious Red Flags
If you’re house-hunting and the realtor casually mentions, “Oh, and the last 12 owners were brutally murdered here,” maybe skip that one.
Similarly, if your new summer camp has a name like “Camp Bloodlake,” perhaps consider a less ominous vacation spot.
Horror movie characters, however, seem to hear these warnings and think, “Sounds like a charming fixer-upper!”
5. Dropping Weapons
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You finally knock out the killer. Victory is yours! Except… you immediately drop the weapon and run off, leaving them unconscious but very much alive.
Why not ensure they stay down for good? Or at least, you know, keep the weapon handy. It’s like these characters have never heard of the concept of a sequel.
6. Trusting the Creepy Stranger
A mysterious hitchhiker covered in ominous tattoos wants a ride? Sure! The eccentric local who warns you about the “cursed forest” insists on tagging along? Why not!
In the real world, red flags are red for a reason. But in horror movies, they’re apparently invitations.
7. Not Calling the Police… Properly
In the rare cases where someone does think to call the authorities, it’s usually a disaster. They’ll either hang up after yelling something incoherent like, “They’re here!” or they’ll wait until the last possible second to dial 911.
Worse yet, they’ll inexplicably not use the phone at all because, “We don’t want to bother anyone.” Yes, Karen, you absolutely should bother someone when there’s a demon in your kitchen.
8. Hiding in Obvious Places
Closets, under beds, behind thin curtains—classic spots to play hide-and-seek. Too bad these hiding places offer about as much protection as a piece of tissue paper.
The killer always finds them, and it’s not because they’re psychic. It’s because hiding in plain sight isn’t exactly a Mensa-level strategy.
9. Running in a Straight Line
Picture this: you’re being chased by a slow-moving tractor, an axe-wielding maniac, or, for some reason, a giant rolling boulder.
Instead of veering left or right to safety, you sprint straight ahead like you’re in a 100-meter dash at the “Darwin Awards.” Pivot, people. It’s not that hard.
10. Falling Over for No Reason
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Is it a prerequisite for horror characters to have the balance of a newborn giraffe? Every time danger looms, someone is guaranteed to trip over absolutely nothing.
Perhaps fear triggers an inner clumsiness gene, or maybe those adrenaline-fueled sprints are just too much for their coordination to handle.
Either way, it’s getting old—and by “old,” I mean we’re rolling our eyes, not helping them up.